It's Just Criminal!

A street in a big city. A policeman walks up to a tough looking young lady who is standing over a dead body on the sidewalk.

P:  Hello, m'am. I'm Officer Davis. (he shows his badge) I need to talk to you about what happened. Were you a witness?

L: Yes, yes. I was right here. (cries and covers her face) Excuse me, I just feel so nervous and afraid. It was all so terrible.

P: Well, try to be calm and remember as carefully as you can what you saw. How long has he been laying here?

L: Well, can I just tell you something first?

P: Of course, I need all the facts.

L: It's lying, not laying.

P: What? Did somebody lie? Who?

L: No, no. It's that lying is an intransitive verb unlike laying which is transitive and has to have an object. You know, the chicken is laying eggs, but the man is lying in the street.

P: OK, OK. I hardly think that will help the investigation, but let's keep going. How long has he been LYING there? He sure don't look like he cares much about my grammar anyway. (laughs a little)

L: Doesn't.

P: Doesn't what?

L: He doesn't care. Third person present singular of the verb to do. You don't, but he doesn't.

P: You got me again. (trying to be patient) You're a smart one alright! Hey, is this guy Oriental?

L: Oriental! You can't say Oriental anymore! Oriental is for rugs, nowadays we say Asian for people.

P: Oh, wow, who knew? (starting to get a little annoyed)  OK, let's get down to business. Where are we at?

L: No, no! It's where are we, not where are we AT. You can't end a sentence with a preposition. What kind of training do they give you guys anyway?

P: Lady, you're not very helpful. Do you know this man? My partner said he's the same man who you gave a ride to earlier.

L: It's "the man to whom you gave a ride earlier". I know that's a little harder than some of this other stuff, but still you should know when to use who and whom! Wow, where did you go to school?

P: (stiffening a little) M'am, I will ask all the questions from now on. You should be worried about something besides my grammar. In fact, I just wrote down, "Their's something suspicious about the witness. Maybe she's the murderer!"

L: (Sneaks a look at his notebook.) I can't believe it. You didn't spell "there's" correctly. You've had a very weak background in English. How do you think it should be spelled?

P: (throws his hands in the air, dropping his notebook) That's it! I give up! No more questions. You are free to go. I'm going to try to forget I ever seen you.

L: Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. It's "saw", but don't worry about it, I won't report you! (She leaves smiling with a last scornful glance at the dead man.)